I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
