I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
