I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
