She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize