areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
