she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
