I feel great
I just peed on a car
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
