this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize