i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
