after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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