the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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