So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
