I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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