seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Randomize