OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
