"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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