Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They took my balls.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
