Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
