you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize