we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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