Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
