Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
