I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
