hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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