She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
