If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
