Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
