why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
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