is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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