Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
