SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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