so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
