He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
