So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
