Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
