just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
