I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
areolas are like halos for boobs.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
