Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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