1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
