So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
