barbara walters just said penis...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
