Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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