I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
