It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
