ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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