I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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