I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
