think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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