Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
