party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
