david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
