i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
