Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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