So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
