i already hear my dad disowning me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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