I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
