We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
