I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
