please come you make the beer taste better
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
