Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
do nipples grow back?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
