dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
