Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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