I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
