The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
