i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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