guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
