I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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