Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
