I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
