dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
