I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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