i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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