ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize