3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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