Ambien. No doubt about it.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We had to coat check the pizza.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
