I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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