it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
