im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
