Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
