I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
